The Worst Semester of My Life

Abby Schnable poses with her dog, Finlay, on the couch.

I’m not one to complain. In fact, I tend to be fairly optimistic. So anyone who is close to me knows I’m serious when I say this semester has been the hardest of my college career — quite possibly my life.

I fared pretty well last spring despite the online learning. I think from the very beginning the cards were stacked against me on this one though. My second to last semester of undergraduate mind you.

Loyola announced on Aug. 6 that campus would not be opening. No in-person classes. No on-campus living. Nothing. I was a Resident Assistant for Residence Life for two years, heading into my third. Four days before I’m set to move in. Loyola Residence Life emails me and says “sorry, but we don’t have a place for you to live.”

Four days to come to terms with the fact that my senior year was ruined. Four days to realize that I didn’t have the means to live in an off campus apartment — hundreds of miles away from my friends and living with four other adults.

Now I love my family, however living with them has never been something I’m good at. My dad and I have a tense relationship and have since about the age of 13. My mom runs the cardiothoracic department at one of the biggest hospitals in St. Louis. My little brother is autisitc and has many developmental delays and my older brother was diagnosed with chronic pancreatitis in April.

Something I had to come to terms with quickly: school would not be the only thing I had to worry about during this pandemic.

In addition to my traditional priorities of school and working as sports editor of The Loyola Phoenix, I also had a new onslaught of familial duties. Including but not limited to: chores, being the main person helping my little brother with school, carting my older to and from doctor’s appointments — add in the many visits to the hospital during the three separate instances he was admitted — and basically being the person to take care of the house.

I went from being a 21-year-old living it up in college to being a second parent in a house I hadn’t lived in for three years.

Let’s add in the fact that I already struggle with mental health issues — depression and anxiety to be specific — this whole new environment would be the deterioration of my mental health.

And it truly was, most days I struggled to focus on anything whatsoever. It was hard to get out of bed. My assignments started slipping. I barely wrote articles for The Phoenix.

I found it difficult to do things I loved to do. I couldn’t complete simple assignments.

It all seemed really pointless when I had to take on a whole new responsibility — and let’s not forget that there are literally people dying from COVID-19.

I wasn’t able to just focus on what I needed to get done. I had to help everyone with everything all while keeping up the facade that I was fine.

I wasn’t — I’m not.

This semester’s lineup of classes is probably one of the more simple ones I’ve dealt with. However it has been one of the hardest things to keep up with. All because it’s hard to stay motivated when your mental health is in the gutter, you’re living through a pandemic and you can’t even lean on the things that typically say it.

I’m not writing this for anyone to pity me. Honestly, I’m hoping it brings awareness to people who think students aren’t getting some of the worst of it.

Maybe even some understanding to professors and other adults who think students like me — turning in assignments late, missing a few classes, etc — are lazy, when in fact we’re just struggling.

Our years were ruined. Our college experiences are ruined. There’s no one to blame because it’s out of our control. It still sucks though. It’s still hard.

If everyone could just take a deep breath and be a little more empathetic it’d be easier. Unfortunately, some people don’t think like that — which is the problem in and of itself.

So please, next time you think someone is slacking or you’re upset they’re not responding to you take a moment to imagine EVERYTHING they could be going through right now. It’s not as simple as you think.